"Loving means returning to a place you have never left, in fact, it also means remembering who you really are".
Sam Keen, writer
One of mans deepest needs that results from getting close to another person of the opposite sex, is the need for loving intimacy, which we refer to as an approach of empathy and mutual identifying; it is similar to refining a relationship so that it permits you to explore and share certain stages of inner experience, which can be more and more subtle and ecstatic.
In terms of experiencing amorous ecstasy, intimacy implies to be able to go deeper and deeper, into your own being, to be the favorite and most awaited guest of your soul, and then to receive your lover with a similar feeling of love and openness.
From this point of view, loving intimacy does not mean what we might call "falling in love"; it is even more than that, it is a complete approach to love; it implies an awareness in which you and your lover can advance together, by immersion into the others mysterious universe.
Nevertheless, being in a state of loving intimacy is not necessarily equivalent to being with someone, because loving intimacy implies reaching a state of inner freedom that allows you to maintain your own identity even when you are in a couple relationship.
Here are some times which illustrate the state of loving intimacy within your couple:
When you both feel, at the same time natural, spontaneous, cheerful, childish, playful, when you roll in bed, you tickle and caress one another just like children do.
When you feel absolutely secure in your lover's presence and are able to share your low points with him or her (sadness, hidden pains, personal aspirations, amorous fantasies), being perfectly sure that the other will react warmly and open-heartedly, without adopting a critical attitude.
When you dare simply lure your lover in bed and whisper jokes and funny love stories into his/her ears.
Most people have the wrong impression that sexuality is the fastest way to open the gate to a state of intimacy and feel frustrated when they feel that after a sexual intercourse, his or her lover continues to be cold; so intimacy will not necessarily appear in such moments.
This happens because it is not sexuality which opens the gate to loving intimacy, but on the contrary, it is intimacy that opens the way to a happy and transfigured relationship. Things are like this because, for those who love each other sexual intercourse is the climax, the crown of intimacy.
In your couple you may have already discovered the proper way to make intimacy appear. If you gave a massage to your lover when he or she was tired, if you knew how to be amusing and kind when your lover was sad or you told him/her the truth about your feelings, then you have probably experienced a degree of intimacy.
Now we invite you to deepen your intimacy by four very sensual methods.
First of all, in the case of a sensual intimacy, you can learn how to awaken new sensations in your lover, in a very delicate and tender way, using the art of sensorial stimulation as an expression of your love for him/her.
Second, when you want to seduce your lover, you can express your feelings and desires by moving your body and dancing in an exciting and erotic way.
The third method is to share wonderful states of pleasure and playfulness with your lover in a direct way, avoiding any conversation.
The fourth way refers to a euphoric intimacy between your souls, a focus for the purpose of identifying yourself (in a profound and empathic way) with the essence of your lover's affective nature. While doing this, try to feel that your own soul is the mirror of your lover's soul. This is an easy and efficient exercise of soul contemplation.
These four methods can be practiced separately, one by one, or can be used simultaneously; thus, they may derive from one another in a most natural way. From the stage of sensual stimulation you can easily pass to dance, for example; from an expansive state of laughter and playfulness, you can easily glide to silence and a mutual euphoric contemplation of souls.
What is really important is to try and spontaneously integrate these methods within your amorous life and never to consider them as a set of rigid techniques. Considering the fact that it may often be difficult to apply these suggestions, therefore it is necessary to impose three proper attitudes:
1. The lovers should remain as focused as possible on achieving the desired effect. For example, while dancing, you may have some moments when you doubt your own ability to express what you wanted to express; thus, you can pass heroically through these embarrassing moments and resist the temptation of giving up.
2. The second attitude is that of being an objective observer to yourself, being in the same time aware of your own feelings and aspirations no matter the moment or situation you are in. Only by acting like this can you turn any apparently embarrassing situation into a favorable one.
For example, when practicing euphoric contemplation of souls, you may feel at a certain point that nothing is happening and whilst you pretend that everything is fine you are experiencing feelings of embarrassment or frustration.
In this case it is better to stop pretending and be very attentive to what you really feel; you can find quick remedies, such as taking a deep breath, modifying the position of your body or talking sincerely to your lover. All such experience will gradually teach you how to have more and more profound subtle perceptions.
3. Finally, the third attitude, which should be adopted, is that of being open even to those aspects that may appear strange to you. For example, you might think that rolling in an embrace on the floor and laughing has absolutely nothing to do with learning the art of amorous ecstasy; consequently, you may tackle these aspects with restraint.
Nevertheless, you should keep in mind the fact that, many times, our rational mind cannot find logical explanations for the way these methods of awakening intimacy, operate; however, if you are totally open to practicing them, you will be able to maintain a state of deep relaxation and pass gradually over your limitations, focusing both on the moment and the purpose you have in view.
From time to time at least, each of us has been delighted with a bird's song, with the softness of a cat's fur or with the beauty of a nude woman.
Nevertheless, our ability to perceive all such things gets "worn out" over time, especially because we don't focus enough upon our senses.
We listen to music while speaking on the telephone, we eat while reading the newspaper, and we fail to notice the beauty of nature during a Sunday walk because we are extremely busy discussing politics.
The result of all these habits is that we feel very little from our sense interactions. This is why what we feel, sometimes seems unimportant and insignificant to us. Therefore awakening and amplifying the capacity of feeling and perceiving things is obviously a necessity.
After this, certain sensations experienced by means of smell, taste, sight, touch and hearing will become great sources of pleasure for us.
Lover A is active and lover B is passive. It is recommended that the one who has the receptive role be blindfolded, because this will make him more able to focus on each sensation, thus eliminating any disturbing elements that may appear during this wonderful exercise.
The element of surprise is very important and this is why the lover who is the "receiver" shouldn't know what to expect.
If you are the one who has the active role, you should include in your plan everything that you think will make this moment a totally special and unforgettable experience. You should begin your plan by creating and amplifying a special atmosphere.
As a source of inspiration, you can think to the wonderful landscape of a magical garden similar to those described in the Persian mythology, in which the lovers, dressed in silky garments, are surrounded by almond trees in bloom and by fragrant flowers; they are wrapped up in the inebriating sounds of exotic music, in the murmur of a crystal clear spring, in the delicious caress of a breath of wind; the two lovers touch each other tenderly, offering fruits to one another.
After a clear and intense evocation of such a delightful place, come back to where you are and, while preparing the room, keep firmly in your mind the thought that you will invite your lover on a travel to Eden.
It is recommended for you to arrange the respective place as for a sensual feast, making sure that the air is fresh and fragrant; it is indicated to use natural exotic scents, which will create the clear impression of some mysterious far-off realms.
The light should be obscure; you may use some candles and find appropriate music for each sense you want to arouse in your lover. It is also important to choose very enjoyable music and to have some quiet moments between the different phases of your game, which should be divided into five stages, for each of the five senses.
In the middle of the room, in front of your lover, place an object which corresponds to each of the five senses: a fragrant oil, a musical instrument, an object that should suggest a sensual touch, a piece of soft fur for example, various kinds of aphrodisiac food: grapes or raisins, bananas, slices of pineapple, chocolate etc.
You shouldn't play this game after a sumptuous dinner, because your ability of perceiving tastes will be seriously diminished. Your game should last about an hour.
In order to describe the practical part of this game, it is necessary for us to imagine that the woman will play the active role and her lover - the receptive one, although there is no rule in this respect.
After preparing the room in which the experience will take place, she will go into the next room and will blindfold her lover, explaining to him that from that moment on it won't be necessary to talk.
Then, she will whisper lovingly to him: "Relax totally and enjoy this wonderful trip we are going to make together. Remember to breathe deeply whenever you experience something new. Trust me and be totally open up to what will happen. Now I will take you with me on a magical travel to another time and place. All you have to do is to be completely open, to breathe deeply and relax."
Then she will gently take him to the room she has arranged, without hurrying, keeping her mouth close to his ear, to remind him to breathe deeply and to encourage him. From this moment on, you can start arousing every sense, one by one.
After sitting her lover down on the carpet, she will slowly bring different pleasant natural scents and fragrances to him (it is indicated to begin with volatile oil of mint), taking care not to touch him directly, so that he might inhale these fragrances deeply and one by one.
Leave one or two minutes between two different fragrances; during these breaks, you may listen to some different sorts of music. This will awake and amplify the man's ability to anticipate the next step.
Next, the sense of smell should be extended to an accompanying state of mind, like the state of purity. This is why she should keep a spray above her lover's head containing natural volatile oils and spray a few squirts over his head, in order to get an ineffable refreshing effect. If necessary, again encourage him to breathe as deeply as possible.
Those who practice yoga will be aware of the awakening of MULADHARA CHAKRA (the region between anus and genitals).
For this phase the music should be changed to sensual erotic music. Next take a grape or a raisin on a toothpick and dip it into a glass of honey, then bring it close to your lover's nostrils, observing attentively how he tries to guess the taste with his sense of smell and how impatient he is to feel it.
After a minute or two, she caresses his lips tenderly with the grape, offering the delicate roundness of the fruit to his mouth and leaving a small drop of honey. Watch how anxious he is to catch that grape and play with it a little, in a most sensual and inciting way.
Finally, she presses his lips firmly until they are half-open, allow the fruit to slide into his mouth. Then dip a finger into the honey and slowly she caresses her lovers' lips in a most exciting way without hurrying at all.
After a minutes break, during which they listen to music, he will also taste a piece of chocolate; she should leave him some time to get familiar with the new taste and then pass to the next step.
A wonderful night is to follow, a night during which you will be eager to make love with sexual continence, in the most beautiful way, because you feel more open to each other than ever.
For those who practice yoga, it is necessary to focus upon the awakening of SWADHISTANA CHAKRA (the region above the sexual organs).
We hope we have aroused your interest for such delightful experiences. Now, we leave it to your imagination to make the scenarios for arousing the other three senses: sight, touch and hearing. Good luck!