To be in love is one of the most widespread aspirations that we entertain in our souls, whether we are conscious about it or not. It goes beyond education, gender, nationality and religious beliefs, for it’s one of life’s greatest experiences and makes us feel that life’s worth living.
Why then are so many people suffering in relationships these days? Aren’t relationships the best ground for experiencing love and all its wonders? And since in one way or another we want it so much, why is love so easy to get and once you get it, so hard to maintain? The root of this apparently paradoxical situation can be found in one of the fundamental aspects of human life and one of the main principles of the love relationship. Without it we wouldn’t fall in love, we wouldn’t be attracted to another human being, and we wouldn’t even be able to have a relationship. It’s called polarity and it lies at the foundation of the Secrets of Attraction. This is one of my favourite Tantric topics, so condensing it down to just a few paragraphs proves to be quite a challenge. Here is a brief introduction to polarity and its role in relationship.
We all know what it’s like in the beginning of a relationship – it’s an intensely overwhelming, effervescent state in which our hearts feel so open, we are powerfully attracted to each other, erotically charged and loving unconditionally. This is the moment when polarity in the relationship can be seen in all its glory … but only for an external observer. For the two people in love, the amazing effects of this game cover its mechanisms completely and make them blind towards the very source (engine) of their delicious passion and attraction.
The consumer attitude combined with ignorance towards this very powerful mechanism, lead to the gradual deterioration of the initial, intense flame. This is why this ideal period of the beginning often comes to a premature and tragic end. I know it’s hard to believe this, but we are the ones who unconsciously kill it just like the incorrect use of an engine, because of ignorance, eventually leads to its destruction.
Well, the Tantra system reveals to those who understand it that things doesn’t have to be like this. The secret of attraction in a relationship is rooted in a continuous and consciously maintained effervescent polarity. This results in having effervescent dynamism – a strong play in the game between masculine and feminine in the relationship. The polarity in our relationship can be modified through a conscious approach, giving us control over the relationship’s dynamism itself. And this has powerful repercussions throughout our entire life.
What is Polarity?
Polarity is the relation that appears in the presence or manifestation of two opposites or contrasting principles or tendencies. It is the potential difference between the two poles in a phenomenon. Polarity is one of the simplest and most powerful sources of energy. For example, take a battery; we all know it contains within it plus and minus. The strength of the battery is given by the size of the difference between the two and how much energy you have accumulated on each side. This is more or less how a battery powers a machine. If the battery is depleted then it means there is very little energy left on both sides.
Tantra sees the entire creation as a result of the dynamic interaction of the two poles – plus and minus, masculine and feminine, Yang and Yin. Dynamically speaking, even at the atomic level you always have two forces that are interacting and are entangled with one another, thus creating the dynamism of all matter. From the roots of matter to the heights of spirit, the dynamism of existence is created by the interaction between the two poles. Without this creation of dynamism, we wouldn’t exist, nothing would exist. The clearest expression of this dynamic reality, and the one which is closest to us, can be seen in the game between the man and woman, the masculine and feminine, in a polar couple relationship.
Polarity and Attraction in Relationship
Every couple on this planet is – from the above perspective – a mini-replica of the Macrocosm that generates everything that happens in their mini-universe. We can understand everything that exists out there by understanding the relationship as a unit, as a microcosm that reflects it all.
At the core of a polar couple relationship is LOVE and the power that it generates. LOVE gives reason that reason cannot understand, and motivates our hearts to grow and reach out to one another beyond the self-assumed boundaries of our egos. But at the root of attraction, and especially erotic attraction in a relationship, is polarity. The very engine of the attraction that keeps the couple relationship in the flow of their love is the game of polarity – the game between masculine and feminine. It is what gives life and support to everything. In Tantra, it is known as the game between Shiva and Shakti – the universal masculine and feminine. It can be easily observed within one human being as the play between our synthetic and analytic capacity, as the balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, and so on. But the easiest place to see it scaled down to human life is within a couple relationship because in the relationship the specific polarity of each individual is greatly amplified.
Attraction is empowered by polarity. This is an esoteric key that can explain many things throughout our life. If we want attraction then the key is intense polarity. This empowers the life of the couple relationship and it also empowers all the phenomena we want to control within the relationship and within our individual lives. Intense polarity will increase the speed of transformation as well as the capacity to control it.
Polarity – the Secret to a Long-lasting Relationship
Quite simply, from this perspective the secret to a long-lasting and intensely alive relationship is keeping up the game of polarity. Empowered by a strong polarity the manifestations of love are potent and stable, the two lovers become emotionally generous and want to share their love with the world.
When polarity diminishes, attraction decreases, problems amplify and deepen, transformation slows down and life loses its colors. We’ve all had this experience in one way or another – suddenly we discover things in the other one that were always there, but now we cannot accept them anymore, we cannot transfigure them. Usually, the man gets lazy and the woman gets superficial and the super intense battery that was created in the beginning is now practically flat. What to do when this happens?
From my own experience I know that the initial spark of love can be brought back as often as the two lovers want, if they know how to apply this knowledge. In my relationship with my wife we did this again and again. After discovering this secret, we constantly re-ignited the flame of the relationship until we loved each other like when we were teenagers. Regaining the feelings that otherwise appeared to be long gone is a gift of youth that we gave to each other and to our relationship. It is perhaps the most important gift we ever gave.
In order to you reignite the passion you have to recharge the battery – to restore and even increase polarity. The effects are wondrous: we discover that the love we have for each other is not dead, but just weakened by lack of power and buried beneath the rubble produced by the mind. And with the newly restored power, our love rises again on the sky of our soul, soaring above all problems and even conquering new horizons. This gives the feeling of rebirth of the intense love that is similar to what existed in the beginning.
When you decrease polarity, you flatten the battery of power and all that was based on that power will diminish and disappear, not because it’s not needed or wanted but because it’s out of power. This is one of the best kept secrets about relationships. A relationship is a battery of power which can be “recharged” again and again, if we know how. Knowing and applying this equips us to be able to have a long-lasting, deeply fulfilling, intensely happy relationship.
Gender Complementarity vs Gender Equality
I have analysed the meaning of gender in depth in life and in my experience in the couple relationship with my wife, Adina. She and I have always been very different from many perspectives but this always generated the spin of the polarity engine, the reason for renewed fascination, passion, attraction and love. Exactly in the same way, we have polarity between all phenomena in the universe and all dynamism always appears between 2 poles that are complementary. These two poles complement and empower each other at the same time.
Even if its normal that the two poles of a power unit are fundamentally different without being wrong, we tend to forget this in our daily existence today.
Failing to understand the role of polarity and the complementarity that exists between men and women leads to a lack of dynamism in relationships, lack of attraction, and ultimately the inability to have a relationship. Underlining the polar difference between men and women is not conflictual, but a revelation about the complementarities that naturally exist. Men and women are different, neither is better than the other. Instead of making an effort to understand these differences, thus to understand each other and our polar role, we have opted instead to try to level the playing field. Now there is almost an obsession with gender equality which is actually mistakenly leading to gender neutrality. Unisex culture pervades Western culture as a reaction to what we see in other cultures where one gender suppresses the other in an attempt to deal with the powerful attraction generated by the natural occurrence of balanced polarity. We unconsciously tend to eliminate the very source of power of our life in an attempt to take out all the negative effects of power. Its like trying to take out the battery of a laptop in order to eliminate the temptation to watch online porn on it. And the problems are extending when we try to solve all the side effects of this erroneous focus of the attention.
There is nothing wrong in acknowledging the fundamental differences between man and woman, to cultivate these differences in a way that gives the right position to both of them. This is also a far better solution to gender inequity and will also give men and women the lessons that they need to learn instead of giving them reasons to hide most of these needed life lessons behind a misunderstood gender problem.
Then the sum of all individual consequences make a bigger problem: a society without polarity, without polar tension that naturally occurs between the two genders is a society without power, without purpose and one that can be easily controlled by all kind of agendas.
The Consequences of Ignoring or Misunderstanding Polarity:
Paradoxically, today the game of polarity and its human expression – the gender manifestation – is one of the least understood subjects. Gender confusion is rife, and the importance and real meaning of gender is almost completely forgotten. In my opinion, relationships are dying much faster than the oceans. The melting ice caps are easy to fix compared to the problems surrounding relationships and gender related problems. This is a major global crisis for it affects many of humans in the same time.
Out of lack of understanding and wanting to play interesting, many people today speculate with the polarity challenging the natural order just to feel special or belonging to some apparently progressive trends. But the consequences of these games are far more profound than one can imagine.
Instead of trying to play politically correct in this domain we should leave relationships alone and learn to have them! They are built on the universe’s likeness and as such it is not our place to interfere with them, at least not in this way.
Here are some of the consequences of ignoring or misunderstanding the universal principle of polarity:
• weak relationships • low attraction between lovers • incapacity to find the lover we aspire to have • spiritual degeneration • generalized confusion regarding the purpose of life • suffering and illness