As we have described in other articles, there are big differences between lovemaking with continence (without losing the sexual potential), as it is applied by the yogis initiated in the secrets of Tantra, and ordinary lovemaking (without continence). If we make a graphic diagram of the intensity of amorous experiences, the differences are even more obvious.
In books about sexuality, the so-called “orgasm curve” is often presented. The energetic increase during lovemaking describes a curve which, presented in a simple way, can be expressed as follows: “We distinguish 4 stages: excitation, plateau, orgasm and the end.”
In the first stage, “the games” of foreplay awaken erotic desire, also generating a state of excitation. This manifests through the erection in men and the vaginal lubrication in women. In the plateau stage, the erotic tension determines the acceleration of the breathing rhythm, generating a global state of toning. In the third stage, the excitation focused initially in the genital area begins to spread in the entire body, rise to the head area. In this moment, called the “point of no return” (which must be avoided by those who want to learn to practice continence), there is a loss of the conscious control, and a series of genital muscle reflex contractions occur, which result in ejaculation in men and the explosive loss of orgasmic secretions in women. After the discharge of the sexual potential, the body calms down and relaxes. Because of the huge loss of energy that results after the ejaculation, any erotic stimulation, meant to produce a new orgasm, is impossible in the next few minutes. This stagnation period is longer in the case of men then in the case of women.
Following the Tantric path, we notice with delight that the experiences during the lovemaking with continence are more intense and more durable than in the case of lovemaking without continence. One of the essential differences between the orgasm with discharge and the prolonged orgasm is that the period during which the level of excitation is such that the man (or woman) feels that the ejaculation (discharge) is about to become inevitable, is prolonged indefinitely, thus making a separation between the actual orgasm and ejaculation.
Another aspect that makes the difference between a man’s and a woman’s amorous involvement is the following: during the lovemaking, the woman does not have a precise direction, she does not aim to something in particular, she just experiences the intensity of all the erotic sensations and perceptions. The woman needs more erotic involvement in the first 2 stages of the lovemaking. If she tries to accelerate her own orgasmic curve in order to satisfy the man, she is at risk of losing contact with her own sensations. In this situation, both the man and the woman must know their own rhythm and at the same time to take into consideration the other one’s desires and feelings. Thus, the entire amorous game can be described as a real erotic dance in which the two lovers are the two leading characters.
Another important difference is that of rhythm, in which the feminine orgasm is reached after a longer period of time. Feminine orgasm has an implosive orgasm, while the masculine orgasm is explosive. Due to the differences in the time needed for each of the lovers to reach orgasm, the necessity for the man to become able to control and suspend the ejaculation becomes obvious.
As a conclusion, it can be said that the feminine and masculine orgasms are different from each other in terms of frequency and the level of implication: women reach orgasm with more difficulty, but when they do, they live it with their entire being, expanding their experience to the emotional and mental level; men reach the state of orgasm quite fast, but in the first stages they only experience it very intensely in the body, physically. Thus, in order to reach the prolonged orgasm simultaneously, the woman will have to stay in contact with the sexual excitation so that she can reach orgasm more often, while the man will have to open more on the energetic level, in order to extend the energy resulting from the orgasm to his entire body and being.
The orgasmic curves, both in men and in women who make love with continence are as follows:
In the prelude stage, the fundamental energy of the being, Kundalini Shakti, begins to awaken, producing states of ecstatic delight in the beings of the two lovers, of much amplified sensuality. The focus is mainly on the pleasure of the senses, on the sexual sensations, on amorous experiences and excitement. The orgasm reached at this stage is experienced at the level of the force centres Muladhara Chakra and Svadhistana Chakra (this is the type of orgasm experienced most often by human beings).
When the sublimed energy reaches the level of the force centre Manipura chakra, the two lovers will experience states of expansion, freedom and burning passion in their beings. These feelings become more and more refined, transforming through the process of sublimation into affectionate states, such as the states of giving, tenderness and daintiness. The orgasm experienced at the level of the force centre Anahata Chakra leads to amplification of the state of detached love, reaching the state of profound peace and inner balance. The communion between the two lovers is intense and refined; practically, erotic satisfaction begins to disappear, being replaced by a complex fulfilment of a very intimate affectionate nature. The experiences become even more refined and profound when they reach the level of Vishuddha Chakra. The orgasms will be experienced cosmically; subtle perceptions of the music of the spheres will appear, states of inner purity, divine inspirations and perceptions of the elevated subtle levels. From that moment on, everything dilates, having a more smooth consistency, the focus of the energies being in the area of the head, dynamizing Ajna Chakra. At this level, the capacity of control in the mental level is amplified; the intelligence is dynamized, both lovers experiencing clairvoyant abilities. The differences between them disappear; their beings merge and expand into the infinite, embracing the entire universe. Then, they reach totally cosmic orgasm.
From another perspective, Gabrielle Roth, who dedicated 10 years to study dance in different cultures of the world, makes an analysis between the 5 stages of dancing and the moments of the orgasmic curve.
The fluid stage: dancing begins with a fluid rhythm, like the water, the movements are round, wavy, successive, flowing. In the lovemaking, this stage corresponds to the prelude. It is the stage full of desire, generating a state of excitation in both lovers. This stage is closely connected to intimacy, letting the feelings free, following the inspiration of the moment and opening us towards sweet and relaxing aspects of sexuality. If we start with the second stage immediately (abruptly), with the most active aspects, without going first through the prelude, we would become tired very soon.
The abrupt stage: the rhythm is pulsating, full of energy, with sudden and powerful movements, in the drum beat, the movements being separated from one another.
In lovemaking, this is the stage where the sexual tension increases, where the breath accelerates. The second stage sometimes has an aggressive character. Many people tend to avoid this stage, not being able to understand its energetic charge. If we do not breathe deeply and we do not focus on the ideas and though more then on sensations, we will not succeed to control the energy and we will only have a fast orgasm and this is it. One of the fundamental principles of conscious sexuality is to overcome our limits, constantly aiming to prolong, to deepen and to explore the ecstatic states.
The chaos stage: in this stage, in the dance, the movements are out of control, they become automatic, daring, vibrating, involving the whole being.
In lovemaking, the energy of the two lovers loses a precise direction, the excitation from the genital area begins to spread in the entire body and culminates with the orgasm. In order to maintain control in the chaotic stage it is necessary that we are very much aware of ourselves. Only a powerful, lucid being can face a moment of chaos with the certitude that she will be able to quickly return to the orderly world of consciousness. A weak being always lives with the fear of losing control. This is also the most profound stage, where you meet the best in yourself, where the ego begins to melt. To successfully enter this stage and to completely experience the state of orgasm, it is necessary to be consciously involved in the first two stages.
The lyric stage: it is the stage when the dancers feel very light, as if they were on a cloud that guides them in the dance, without any effort. Their whole body is pierced by sensual ardour.
In lovemaking, this is the moment when we find ourselves in the arms of the partner, our body still maintaining the echo of the pulsations experienced. The lyrical phase is proportional to the abrupt stage: the higher we reach in the abrupt stage, the more we can deepen in the lyric stage. Many people do not succeed in orienting themselves in this stage, passing through it too quickly or not having reference points to relate to.
The peaceful stage: serene and relaxed, the dancers express the movement through simple gestures, rather static, but being permeated by the shiver of the energetic charge they have just experienced and which still fulfils their entire being. They feel clear and content with what they are.
In lovemaking, we have the impression we can stay like this for hours, we are still full of energy and subtle sensations, peaceful and calm in the outside. The 5th stage, the peaceful stage, is a product of the first 4 stages. If we realize the previous stages with our entire beings, peace will come by itself, it will fill us in, will feed us and it will give us a very concrete, very profound sensation of being, feeling united with ourselves and with the loved being. At the end of the lovemaking we will reach a profound state of intimacy and the accumulated energy will stay for a long period of time.
Therefore, we can understand why the Tantric wise men said that while ordinary man decays and is exhausted because of uncontrolled sexuality, the continent yogi, knowing these secrets, will become elevated and will be happier. At the same time, he will progress spiritually through lovemaking, which, instead of making him tired, will regenerate him, allowing him to keep his vitality and inner mental power almost untouched. The human being, who will follow this advice, will thus be able to transform ordinary sexuality into a sacred act.