What is such a lethal potion made of? Theoretically nobody knows the recipe. Practically we are many of us experts in making it: a strong sexual drive hidden behind love, an impressive dose of possession, the eternal comparison between you and the other and as much ignorance as it gets. What lacks in this mixture is sincerity. Warning! No matter how small it is, the swollen dose has devastating effects for any love relationship and generally for any man.
“The fence is painted outside and the lion roaring inside”, the saying goes. If you still face the issue of jealousy it means that love is just a pretense for the sexual drive. But you shouldn’t worry about the instincts. What you feel is perfectly natural. Heavens made it be attraction between men and women. So far, so good. There is some else that engenders and pushes your drama effect: love is taken for the sexual urge. As long as you are confined to this illusion, you can do nothing against jealousy. There is a mathematical principle that perfectly fits here. There is no correct answer when the data is false. What is left to be done now that you know this truth? Face it! Ponder over it. Fold it and unfold it; and if you are honest to yourself you shall reach the conclusion that the jealousy that you experience has nothing to do with love, but it’s about incertitude, weakness, dependence, attachment. It’s only here that you stand a chance to turn poison into nectar.
No matter how you deal with jealousy, there’s but one single thing that you can notice: how hideous it is. Every time somebody’s soul is plagued with this illness, the subject undergoes a real distorting surgery: the eyes lose their warmth, brightness and the consonant profile of the face distorts into tormented expressions. At a subtle level, its aura becomes a powder barrel for the miserable to perch on, spying on the opportunity: a reason, pretence, anything to burst on the other the huge energy.
The next stage is a heavy match in 5 times at least. The gong is replaced by some “deep” questions: “Where have you been last night? Why do you shut the door as you are on the phone? Whose’ the lipstick on your short? Why don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you let me see what you put down on your private diary? I saw you smiling to her, why don’t you admit it?...” Once it is released the negative energy secures the fighting choreography for the two lovers, which can take different shapes: reproaches far tougher than any soap opera, Sherlock Holmes inquiries, innocent plates broken into pieces and to the human specie shame there even occurs some knock-out. It’s not pleasing, but this is it, life beats movies in most of the cases.
There are two perspectives to tackle the issue from. The first is the ethics, psychology and science. But these consider and analyze jealousy in a sequenced, divided and mostly erroneous way. This is why the attempts of treating it always fail.
Many think that jealousy is not a good thing, but they think as much that it’s quite normal, from a human point of view (unless exceeded limits), nay some take it for a proof of love. And the more jealous, the bigger the love (the folk false teachings say). But this is but an aspect about the love relationship.
There are also things concerning the group, the society. Somebody is jealous on the neighbour for being successful in his business, on the best friend for having a beautiful wife, a better car, or on the work fellow for being promoted. Nor in such cases jealousy is taken for a defect, it rather is a springboard for progress. Competition! This is the key-word. We compete with everybody and we are able to sacrifice a friendship to get on top. It’s hard to reach there, hard to stay there.
The second standpoint to approach the problem is the spiritual one. It is completely different than the former one, as it requires a complete approach, a unifying vision. Jealousy is nor good, nor bad, nor pathological, nor immoral; that’s why it won’t be labelled either construed. For the simple conceptualization wouldn’t help at all; in the ancient yoga tradition the evil emotions, amongst which jealousy, are subtle phenomena stemming all in the same painful thing: ignorance. The lack of self-knowledge and of the true divine love is leading to such distorted behaviour, which are not going to be transcended until the human being turns on the way of the inner quest.
- We take love for the sexual drive. This is one of the basic errors in the relationship to a person of opposite sex.
- We are positive that it’s not our way of thinking that makes us heart, but it’s the other one. Hence, two evil advantages at one strike. We pass our responsibility on their shoulder, which spares us of getting aware and into the problem, of transformation and, on the other hand, by blaming him/her we can emotionally manipulate him/her.
- Instead of living the present at maximum, we fear an uncertain future: what if he/she will go with somebody else? What if he/she will leave me? The present moment is destroyed by an awful fear: what will my lover do tomorrow?
- We do not take the beloved one as a free person, entitled to act as he may. We are more and more inventive to limit him/her, till we make him/her our slave. But thereby all we do is becoming ourselves the slaves of our wishes.
- We are wrong to believe that we can only live love together with the other one only, nay we think that she/he is the only one who can secure it to us. It is true that the beloved one can channel some uplifting feelings, but these actually occur only inside and by us.
- Between lovers there is a continuous energy shift, whether good or bad. A real ping-pong match. But unless inner investigation, when none of the two is really careful the negative impact upon each other is not noticed. Sometimes the seed of jealousy does not occur in the aura of the two lovers, but out of attention and genuine spiritual discrimination, they can easily contaminate each other…
- People think they know what real love is, that they live it fully and all consequences of their confusion are the “love torments”, the fatal love sorrows (amongst which jealousy). That’s what they say, we are educated in such ideas and we often grow old like this. But things are not like that. Instead of genuine devotion, most of the jealous persons bargain. You give it to me I’ll give it to you. If not…
-When we are really in love we feel like jumping with joy, hugging everybody, cheer out as much as we can. This contagious joy is the spontaneous scale of love. But somewhere, sometime, we don’t know when, there was a mutation, a perversion of joy. These days we no longer are happy just when we love somebody, but also when we own somebody. It’s an unusual, perverse satisfaction. We are not happy that the other one exists, but that he/she is mine, with me. This point shows quite soon in the history of a couple. First we don’t mind what our lover does. Weeks and months pass by and we suddenly get mad at hundreds of gestures. We become suspicious, contentious or jealous. These are plain signals that we have parted up with love. Possession is now directing our orchestra and we dance as it plays.
In order to defeat jealousy you must utterly forget it. Don’t fight with it. Don’t think of it. In fact what do you fight with? Your concoction about love? The night unreality? You would rather light a candle. At an analogical approach this is love. After it truly lights jealousy and possession melt away by themselves. It’s like you turn on the light in a room and then wonder where darkness is. It cannot stay with light. It’s the same with jealousy; it cannot breathe the same air as love. It goes one or another. This is why it is easier to go on the light way. Every time you feel love dive into this divine feeling. Let it imbue every inch of your being, let it purify you and uplift you as well. To be positive to the end, you can see a divine message in jealousy; it means that love is not there yet. Be happy! You know at least that you follow the good way…