Some of us succeed the first time, others succeed after many failed attempts; others are still searching. There is no need to worry about this, since “Everyone has their own half” as states an ancient proverb. Sooner or later, you and your beloved will come together to enjoy the most sublime aspects of love, depending on how quickly you become aware of REALITY.
It is essential to understand typical mistakes made in a "normal" or "conventional" couple.
From the beginning this kind of a relationship is doomed to failure.
By becoming aware of our mistakes we can build a perfect union of love based on the highest ideals.
Here is a comparative analysis of the two types of relationships: the conventional and the spiritual.
| CONVENTIONAL COUPLE | SPIRITUAL COUPLE |
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Closed process. The couple''s motivations are not clarified. Most of the time, the couple is modelled on a standard pattern established by others rather than on self-determined values. Security and stability is preferred, transformation avoided. This is why individual evolution is very slow. Both try hard to be according to the other''s image; the lovers do not act freely. They do not do as they honestly feel. |
Open process. The relationship is clearly established for a spiritual purpose, and common objectives constitute the foundation of the relationship. There is mutual recognition of each other’s freedom. Both lovers honestly and openly express who they are, their desires, and their goals. Transformation is accepted, and there is no jealousy. This is the reason why individual evolution is very rapid. |
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Doubt. The closed process creates less self-confidence and less confidence in each other. You become attached and feel dependent, and need the other to place value upon yourself. |
Trust. An open process allows each lover to be aware of their own independence. You do not try to change the other. Rather, you accept them as they are and you help them by your own presence. |
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Competition. "Do not take my place". The struggle for power appears: Who gives the orders? Who is the authority? There is a conflict of roles. Their own interests come first. The Ego is “in power”. |
Understanding. Each lover has the same “rank”, the same responsibilities. Each respects the other’s “space” and the desire to be either together or alone. There is a flexibility in roles: you are here to help the other advance. |
| Dependency: Therearefixed roles. You wish to impose your different points of view on the other. You feel separated, alone and unfulfilled. There is fear of abandonment. |
Autonomy: Each lover is self-sufficient, and not dependent on the other. Love confers security. Each lover is open to the other’s desire for spiritual evolution. Hence there is a stong understanding of the “tools” used for spiritual development: the need for spiritual practice, allowance for free time, travel, and other requirements. This leads to spontaneity and harmony. |
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Conditions. Dependency creates conditional exchanges. The relationship is conducted through rules, contracts, and compulsion. The basis of the union is the concept of trade: if you offer something you get something in return. Attitudes are premeditated. There can be manipulation. |
Liberty. Autonomy fosters tolerance, detachment, and surrender. No longer is there domination nor possessiveness. The lovers together spontaneously explore the joyful adventure of conscious evolution as a couple. There is happiness, mutual confidence, and harmony. |
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Boredom. The lovers create rules because they no longer enjoy spending time together. They enter into a routine that destroys creativity and inventiveness. Each begins to think the other is the source of unhappiness and this is the reason why each must defend themself. |
Creativity. There is a constant state of play and agreeable mood between the two lovers. Spontaneity, inspiration, and amusement is evident. Roles and resposibilities change spontaneously. New avenues of love are invented. You feel really good and happy together. |
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Insecurity: You have the sense that something is missing, though you do not know what is it exactly. There are feelings of fear, instability and culpability. You avoid the other or reproach them on certain behaviour which upsets you. There may be the deisre to start a family, hoping that this is a solution to the problem and to find greater stability. |
Security. Profound love leads to the feeling of stability. The desire to start a family may appear, not because the lovers are afraid of losing one another, but in order to fulfill a higher purpose. The spiritual merging of the two lovers induces a superior feeling of security. |
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The sensation of failing as a couple. There is a sense of impotence regarding the flow of events. Each lover begins to undervalue the other. Resentments appear that can provoke even further unbalance. There is a feeling of desperation, and that there is nothing you can do. You see no way of bringing harmony back into the couple. |
Perfect love. There are feelings of abnegation and adoration. Mutual devotion awakens the divine essence in both lovers and mutual self-sacrifice generates a fine mood. You exist for love. Love becomes cosmic; you feel that God is the One who loves you, through your lover. |
| Separation. The only solution is separation and divorce. You experience desperation and loneliness. This could be an opportunity for transformation, for possible discovery of autonomy and freedom |
Unity. The relationship is the opportunity to achieve a spiritual marriage, or union. The couple discover primary love – the love between two archetypes, the male and female. This love leads the couple to UNITY, divine grace and blessedness. They fulfill the ideal of every relationship: the discovery of UNITY, or in other words SUPREME REALITY. |
The first steps in forming the spiritual couple
This article presents you practical advices about how to approach your couple relationship in order for it to grow harmoniously and blossom, bringing you and your lover to ecstatic states of soul communion.
If we look at our relationship as if it is a child, we understand that one cannot take a child and tell him: “Come on, now we are busy, we do not have time for you. Stop growing, we carry on with our lives and we come back in two years, to see if you are still growing.” This cannot be. Once he is born, the child grows, he develops, he has his needs, we cannot tell him: “You know what, we are in holiday for the next two weeks, so stop eating.” A couple relationship needs love. We cannot say: “That’s it, now we stop, because I have other priorities in life, I have a carrier, I have other things to do.” This does not exist, the relationship dies.
Here are a few exercises for you to practice:
Practical exercise – because these states of confusion do not manifest in the same time or when facing the same realities, aim to create this beneficial habit within your couple: stop, every now and then, from the wave of actions and events that you do together and realize that you love each other because you love each other and because there is this state of amazing grace and manifestation of the divine love and for no other reason in this world.
Another exercise – when you notice that certain elements start to sneak in and burden the fragile shoulders of the love relationship, just remove those elements, because nobody dies without them, but without love we will definitely die. For example, if you notice you have a materialistic tendency and you feel happy and fulfilled also when you are ok materialistically, when you are on holiday, where you have all you need. If you see that this tends to mix with love, keep them separate. Simply, just do not go in that holiday like this. Or, if you have the tendency to make associations between love and habits, restrain yourself from those habits, for a while, until you notice that they do not influence the state of love.
It is as if the child is crying and the mother goes and feeds the father. But the child keeps crying, because he is hungry. Then, the father also feeds the mother and then they wonder: “Hey! Somebody is still crying here. Haven’t you had enough?” But it is the child that screams. This means that sometimes the relationship itself needs certain actions from us together. We both have to do something, it cannot be only one or the other. In the same way a growing child needs two parents and each parent has its role in raising the child that is why we must bring our specific contribution to that relationship. This is why it is said that the two lovers are not lovers by loving one another; they love together the same things, this is how their souls unite. And loving higher and higher things, they love God and in this way they are united together into God. Metaphorically speaking, the position of the two lovers is not to look into each other’s eyes, but to look together in the same direction.
And the message from our spiritual guide is “Love God together.”
